I used to be one of those people that identified my desire to “care for” or “give” to those I love as a source of deep vulnerability and pain in my life.
One of the things I appreciate post-initiation, and as I get older, is that I’ve re-framed my perspective on the way that I choose to love.
Over the last two years I’ve become exceptionally choosy about who I allow into my private space. This includes physical space like my home, and my mind… as well as “virtual” spaces like facebook or instagram (my twitter is public).
It is funny because random people I haven’t spoken to in over a year will suddenly message me because they notice I’m not clogging up their facebook walls anymore. They will say something like, “how could you delete me?” and my answer is pretty simple and formulaic: if we haven’t communicated in 12 months or more, I delete you from my facebook page. It’s both personal and non-personal. In the sense that it’s about clearing my space, but it’s also a very straight forward system.
Anyway, back to “caring for” others.
As I’ve become more selective about who I love, both platonically, spiritually, romantically and familially (sp? lol)… The people whom I “care for” also care for me…
Isn’t that amazing?
As crazy (or not) as it sounds… Until recently I never considered that as possibility… That everyone in my life could… and in fact, should… love me in a way that makes me feel safe, healthy, secure and supported. I can actually have standards for who I allow to occupy any and all spaces that I have control over!… Who knew?!
So now, I can search for recipes, and send articles, and write long emails, and randomly call… everyone who is a part of my life without fear. Why? Because I’ve done the ground work of making sure they are the type of person who can reflect and return my energy in a way that brings joy into my life.
And let me be clear… this isn’t about “I do something for you, so you do something for me,” not at all.
My partner Chris sends me boxes of random things all the time, and Lord knows I detest any sort of mail/shipping company (random, I know), so she will probably never get a package from me that didn’t come from Amazon (lol). But I can reflect her love during my facetime call, or when I cheer her up after a hard day, or whatever…
Love isn’t always about everything being mirrored back in a strict way. For me, the reflection of loving energy in my life simply means that the person is healthy enough to accept and return that love in a full and measured way. It also means that they appreciate me.
I’m telling you, it’s an absolutely amazing and inspiring experience.
Anyway, what is the point of all this rambling? The point is that the day I learned how to set a boundary and not accept any, ol random that walked through my door…. is the day I learned what my love looks like.
p.s. I know that this post is atypical from the usual content found here, but I was inspired by a recent post on Jeniffer Pastiloff’s Mainfest-Station. Check her out, she is a pretty awesome writer, yoga teacher and human being :).